@FrogAvalanche

Mother: A carrot is just a vegan hotdog.
*son looks at carrot*
Mother: [desperate] Bugs Bunny eats them!
Son: This is updoc.
Mother: What’s-

Mother: A carrot is just a vegan hotdog.
*son looks at carrot*
Mother: [desperate] Bugs Bunny eats them!
Son: This is updoc.
Mother: What’s-

- @FrogAvalanche

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@C0REZI

harry potter, age 11: why do you hate weasleys so much? they seem nice

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@ArfMeasures

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@rocket_roy

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@treydayway

I hum “Eye of the Tiger” when I have to stand-up from a low couch

@KyleMcDowell86

*I reach for the thermostat*
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@therealeatwood

ME: Um, I specifically requested Mary.

BLOODY CARLA: Listen, do you want your eyes clawed out or not?