Hell hath no fury like a pizza pocket that hasn’t had proper cooling time.
Mother in law found me… On the twitter
This will be converted into a pineapple upside down cake blog for the next 72 hours.
I’m so sorry
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This punishment is not working…
Just because I am an Italian American doesn’t mean my family is in the mob….
It means we used to be.
My Wife: Don’t look at your phone while driving
Also my wife when I’m driving: What do you think of these bar stools?
DOCTOR: *stethoscope on my back* Gimme a very slow exhale.
My daughter wrote, “I will see you every day of our lives,” on my Mother’s Day card, so I guess we’ve resorted to threats now.
*covered in blood holding eyeball
*nods to eyeball
Looking at the chart, rate your pain
I’m the winky face
How about a new eco-friendly car that is powered only by uncomfortable conversation
Cop: we know you’re in there.
Me in a French accent: I am not ere, I am in France.
Cop: when will you be back?
Me: je ne comprends pas
My wife told me we had a Lent calendar.
So I asked her when we had to return it.