Girl: *blowing kisses to boyfriend across the room*
Me: *runs in and swats kisses out of the air*
Motherhood is the perfect combination of heart swelling pride and “I didn’t sign up for this.”
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WHY ARE THEY STILL PLAYING CHRISTMAS COMMERCIALS?
Me watching recorded TV shows
Disney are remaking Home Alone. This is a petition for them to re-cast 38 year old Macauley Culkin as 9 year old Kevin McCallister and have nobody in the film acknowledge it.
Cashier at the liquor store wished me “Happy Holidays”…
As if I’m not going to be back three more times before Christmas.
[first day as marriage counselor]
HER: we’re trying to have a baby
ME: ok I’ll step outside
*hears a man crying in a bathroom stall at work*
“Excuse me, are you okay? Because you’re kinda stealing my thing”
I want to be important enough to receive a phone call, say one word, hang up and having the end result being something blown up.
I’m not allowed to use the credit card anymore, last month I bought 43 falcons
I was going to pay my mortgage this month, but I was asked to bring guacamole to the family potluck.
to those of you shopping this week: please be polite and patient with shop assistants, it’s a stressful and busy time for them too 🙂
to those of you worshiping Satan this week: see you at the gathering in the woods, bring teeth 🙂