I make one mistake and my pharmacist now adds “by mouth” on the prescription label.
“Mounting debt” sounds way sexier than it is.
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By the age of 30 you should have
1. $100 in your account
2. a knee pain
4. back pain
Patient: Doc, my stomach is killing me.
DR DOG: *scratches chin* Have you tried eating grass?
On the Titanic 0 people died from alcohol poisoning and 1,500 people died from drinking too much water. You decide which is more dangerous.
If I hold my phone upside down it looks like you have replied to my text and I’m ignoring you.
Therapist: It’s all “me me me”. Try to think of others instead
Me: I’ll try
Me *to murderer* no PLEASE don’t kill uh Paul Rudd
You shouldn’t judge people. What if that bloke outside your window with a clown mask and knife is just a chef that lost his way.
The Karate Kid would be a shorter movie if Daniel had just bought a gun.
LOL pills that say don’t take with alcohol. Ok Doc, how do YOU
suggest I take my medication then?
ME: what are those little bugs hovering around the basket of grapes?
GUY: fruit flies I think
ME: *rolls eyes* no it doesn’t, doug