in high school I was voted ‘who is that? does she even go to our school? Never saw her before’
*as the previews begin, I pull an entire ice cream cake out of my refrigerated cooler-purse*
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All you people who chose “The Real” or “Official” before your Twitter handle really thought ahead of the game there. Well done, guys.
Guide to DIY:
1. Double the cost estimate.
2. Double the time it should take.
3. Live with it for 3 months
4. Hire someone to fix it.
It’s terribly sad, but the fact that the graphic had to be added is due to the shockingly low literacy rate among geese.
I HAVE A LITTLE MERMAID BAND-AID UNDER MY EYE CAUSE I’M IN A GANG NOW.
Sorry I painted a hat on your head while you were sleeping, but I can’t knit.
*shows up to date with broken nose*
Hurt myself playing football
Threw the controller at a wall and it bounced back
4-year-old: I put my Barbie in the tanning bed.
Me: You don’t have a Barbie tanning bed.
Me: *sprints to the toaster*
him: almost every joke has been told before. gotta be creative with delivery
me, in fancy dress: *rings his doorbell holding a pizza*
(bed bath and beyond)
*walks to beds*
Wow nice beds
*walks to baths*
Wow nice baths
*walks through intergalactic wormhole*
Wow nice beyond