Yes, I’m English.
No, I can’t speak British to you.
No, I don’t know the Queen.
No, I don’t want a spot of tea.
*guy hugs woman from behind while she cuts vegetables*
me*does same thing*
wife:ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE ME LOSE A FINGER?!
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Jesus: Don’t test my mercy
The way to a man’s heart is thru his stomach. At least that’s what the crazy woman with the butcher knife kept saying at the murder scene.
What’s your stance on public intoxication?
Mine is very wobbly.
Just overheard my 6-year-old son ask Alexa, “Alexa, is there anyone my dad could beat up?”
Though he came from a long line of spoons, Sammy Spork always noticed a slight resemblance to Mom’s friend Frank, the fork living next door.
Having a tan is attractive. Having skin sponsored by Doritos isn’t.
Your inability to learn complicated handshakes is tearing this gang apart.
My mom always said carry a jar of pickles in the store when pregnant and throw it on the ground as a decoy if your water should break, but now that I’m old I carry one in case I pee my pants.
JUDGE: Your word is “incorrect”
KID: I haven’t spelled it yet
JUDGE: No, that’s your word