I got 66 problems and being upside down is 1
*Movie’s 10 second sex scene begins
My dad who’s been missing for 12 years: hey whatcha watchin’
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Person: “I hate geology puns.”
Me: “My sediments exactly.”
If you watch someone kissing in public for too long you become what’s weird about it.
frodo: [doesnt know how to get to mordor, doesnt know how to fight, doesnt know who he should actually trust] i need to do this alone
Me: At every sunrise you will transform into middle management.
Me: And you will go to bed at a reasonable time…EVERY NIGHT.
YO WHO CALLED THEM EXPIRATION DATES INSTEAD OF SPOILER ALERTS
“How often do you exercise?”
About 3 to 4 times a week.
(Watching Liar Liar)
Wife: If you couldn’t lie for 24 hrs, how much longer would we be married?
Me: Until the end of this movie.
Some girl I don’t even know has been telling people that I’m her boyfriend. I’m flattered but I prefer to be the psychotic one in the relationship.
It’s called Wal-Mart because the Center for Disease Control was taken.