The Passion of the Christ 2: Jesus in Space
He conquered the sins of the world, but can he conquer the sins of the galaxy?
“Mr Bush, do you want my coke?”
“Yeah sure” *Bush drinks coke as kid walks away*
*kid turns around to see incoming plane*
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*At the bar
Me)May I sit here?
Her)I have a boyfriend
Me)That’s ok, I’m 50. I just want to sit down
UPCOMING JESUS APPERANCES
8/3 Pancake, Norfolk, VA
8/10 Cheeto, Salem, OR
8/19 Window stain, Orem, UT
8/23 Vegemite Jar, Perth, AU
waiting for the exact moment these birds fall asleep so i can scream profanities at them nonstop for a few hours
How many bears would Bear Grylls grill, if Bear Grylls could grill bears?
Wife: u can take Max to the park but ur not gonna wrestle other ppls dogs
Me in a spandex singlet: Im 16-0 Karen I have a title to uphold
Liam Neeson: What I do have are a very particular set of skills.
Me if I were the kidnapper: *is.
if someone finds my voodoo doll please shave its legs
White people only love Cinco de Mayo because it has mayo in it
GARDEN STORE MANAGER:
why did you just give that customer a high five
ME: he bought some dirt
GARDEN STORE MANAGER: um ok
ME: and I told him congrats on soiling himself