Leonardo DiCaprio: where’d he go?
me: *wakes up to pee for the 4th time*
mugger: give me your money
me: what service do u provide
mugger: i uh..hmm. i mug
me: how much do u charge
mugger: …all. all ur money
me: be honest with yourself.
You Might Also Like
stop naming your babies James. name him Jame. he is one Jame.
I can’t be the only one that sees the day when
a direct message from a catfish is called carp DM.
As long as you’re good at blending in, you can be part of Brad and Angelina’s family too.
I like my wedding soup made with real bickering.
Hot lady mouse looking for good time. Any mouse will do boy mouse or girl mouse. Groups preferred. Meet in woods AT NIGHT. Will be a hoot.
I can’t make you love me but I can tie you up and feed you until you’re too fat to be loved by anyone else.
Somebody once told me in the middle of a huge machine gun battle that I always emphasize the boring parts of anecdotes, which made me sad.
In the year 2065, old men will say ‘bae’