My 10 year old neighbour just threw a cup of water over my cat who was sitting on the fence minding his own business n laughed so I threw a basin of water over him from the window and now his dad is at my door going mental but I don’t see the problem, don’t touch my cat
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Marty McFly: *plays Nickelback*
Guess you guys aren’t ready for that yet but your kids are gonna love it.
*returns to the present to find a world without children*
the human has started opening and shutting the garage door. pretending to have just gotten home. because they missed how excited that makes me
Stop pronouncing it “pecan.” Everyone knows it’s “pecan.”
A man has been jailed for forging banknotes.
He also got a big fine which he immediately paid in crisp $9 notes.
I had a beautiful pearl of wisdom to tweet but I dropped it on the ground and one of my dogs ate it. I should have it back in 12 hours or so
My son, Luke, loves how I named all my kids after Star Wars characters.
My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.
The romaine empire has fallen. Cesar is dead. Lettuce pray.
Just overheard someone say “it’s Friday somewhere” lmao. Like… it’s just… not.