Just finished reading a book on Stockholm Syndrome.
I really didn’t like the first couple of chapters, but by the end I loved it.
My 10 year old son just told me I look nice today so I’m trying to figure out what he broke and where he hid it.
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After 3 disastrous surgeries I said that’s it no more pretending to be a doctor.
my accountant: look at ur currently monthly budget:
· RENT: $800
· GAS: $200
· CHEEZ-ITS: $2,750
me: ur right, i need a cheaper place.
It’s that time of year again, to reflect and remember how much I love my tax deductions.
Kids… I meant my kids.
If that one teacher hadn’t encouraged my writing I’d have a much nicer car.
? Why do birds suddenly appear, every time you are near? Just like me, they long to be… ?
Wait, hang on…my bad, those are vultures.
FOMO so bad I choose to be cremated and put in an hourglass so I can still participate in game night after I die
Don’t offer to pay.
It’s a sign of weakness.
Build trust through mutual agreement to steal.
No one suspects the “happy couple.”
Who gets the job of writing the fortunes in the cookies?
I want that job. I could really screw with some people.
I told my daughter we might be getting a blizzard and she asked for one with Reese’s pieces