Me: I’m worried that the romance has gone out of our marriage
Hub: Bet I can change your mind during the next commercial break
My “15 minutes of fame” are when I get my paycheck and everyone I owe money comes to collect
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A funny thing I like to do is yell ‘God, not your WHOLE hand’ when the doctor does a pelvic exam.
date: where did u get that, i don’t see that on the menu
me: (biting into my corn on the cob) i bring my own corn on the cob
How many husbands have I had? You mean apart from my own?
sorry I’m late. I tripped on my cat and so had to kiss him for 45 minutes
Some say their relationship is built on trust. Others, friendship. Mine is built on an ancient Indian burial ground.
If you think it’s hilarious that George Bush is getting a library, wait till you hear he was our PRESIDENT for EIGHT YEARS.
Saw a bumper sticker that said ‘Jesus is the answer.’ Two cars later I saw one that said ‘Who farted?’ Best game of Highway Jeopardy ever.
I SAW ON THE NEWS THAT SOME GUY IN ANOTHER STATE DIED ARE YOU OKAY – my mom
Is it just me, or are fewer and fewer mustachioed cads tying women to the train tracks these days?