@AbbyHasIssues: Kate Middleton is 36 and just had her third royal baby. I'm 36 and just had an almond I found in my sports bra. Guess we're both living the dream.

@maughammom: My 3yo said Cheese is her favorite place. I don't know if I should be worried that she thinks cheese is a place or sad because it's not.

@batkaren: Coworker: It'll either work or it won't. Me: Yes. Those would be the two possible outcomes.

@DaddyJew: I'm like a mouse. If u give a mouse a cookie hes gonna want some milk. If u gimme a beer im gonna want some nachos. Plus we both like cheese

@alfageeek: Remember: If you don't post a first-day-of-school picture of each child on Facebook, the state will come and take your kids away.