@TheCiscoKidder: My 2yr old pointed at my crotch and said, "Big pee pee!" I'm taking him with me everywhere I go from now on.
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@Mhmm_ok_sure: 15: *cleaning her glasses with the hem of her shirt* Ever wonder how nudists clean their glasses? Me: No. *spends the rest of the night wondering how nudists clean their glasses*
@iheartgunts: A rap battle but it’s just Keanu Reeves saying “Whoa” versus Owen Wilson saying “Wow.”
@bulls_horns: 25% of twitter users are on medication for mental illness, which means 75% are running around untreated.