“SIR, YES SIR!”
“Get ready to deploy at 05:00 sharp–HUGHES WHERE IN THE SHIT ARE YOU GOING!?”
“That’s too early I quit.”
my (35m) 10,000 rats (1m, 3f, 1m, 3m, 2m, 5f, 5f, 2m, 1m, 3f, 1m, 3m, 2m, 5f, 5f, 2m, 1m, 3f, 1m, 3m, 2m, 5f, 5f, 2m, 2m, 4m, 5f, 5f, 2m, 1m, 3f, 1m, 3m, 2m, 5f, 5f, 2m, 1m, 3f, 1m, 3m, 2m, 5f, 5f, 2m, 2m, 4m, 5f, 5f, 2m, 1m, 3f, 1m, 3m, 2m, 5f, 5f, 2m, 1m, 3f, 1m, 3m, 2m, 5f..
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[Opening questions in a murder trial]
DOLPHIN PROSECUTOR: You are a killer whale, is that correct?
KILLER WHALE: Yes.
DP: I REST MY CASE
Every time someone makes a typo, I look at the location of the letters on the keyboard to consider whether it’s justified.
I still remember the childhood pain of having to wear a sweater over my Halloween costume, so don’t say I don’t know tragedy.
Inventor of the toaster:
How about something that makes bread warm and crunchy, but also doubles as a murder weapon?
Police officer: Ma’am do you know why I pulled you over?
Me: I’m just as confused as you are.
I think having a highway to Hell and only a stairway to Heaven says a lot about anticipated traffic numbers.
My grandfather told me that during the war he was exposed to irritants like pepper spray and mustard gas. Now he’s a seasoned vet.
ME: You go thru space & time, just traveling alone?
DOCTOR WHO: Usually w/a companion
ME: Folks from space-time?
DW: God no 21st century UK
The Oscar for best death or dying by a duck goes to.