Shia Labeouf always looks like he’s trying to teach math after someone just waved smelling salts under his nose.
My 3yr old pooped her big girl panties at church today and I forgot the wipes, in case you were feeling bad about being single today.
You Might Also Like
I just swallowed a little hair color. I think I’m going to dye.
What jugglers do best
2. Make people who can’t juggle feel bad for not being able to juggle
Why are people giving something up for lint? I’m sweeping that shit up every day if you want some more.
I’m not saying my house is haunted, but something just growled in here. It can’t see me if I hide under the covers right?
her: well don’t just stand there, say something
me: they should make paintbrushes that look like bob ross
her: i said i’m pregnant matt
me: his hair could be the brush part
windows 8: i got some updates
windows: i have to restart
me: okay not now
windows: im going to
me: please dont
I’m lost at Costco but everyone here looks like my dad. Just gonna pick the one with the best groceries and start a new life I guess.
When I die, just toss my body out of an airplane flying over NYC while wearing a superman costume.