@DRUNKHULK
THEY SAY CHRIS BROWN GOT WORST TATTOO EVER! NO AGREE! DRUNK HULK THINK TATTOO GOT WORST PERSON EVER!
@TheNYAMProject
My 4 year old asked if she could put makeup on me. I asked jokingly if she was going to “make me pretty,” to which she responded, dead serious, “you’re ALWAYS pretty, Mommy.” So I need to know where to get this child a unicorn do they have those on Amazon?
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@DRUNKHULK
@JoParkerBear
If two creepy eels slither up to you and promise to solve all your problems and make your dreams come true, be skeptical. That’s all I’m saying.
@JustHadOneJob
Have you ever been so upset you cried in Spanish.
@TheOnlyMommaG
I really haven’t been feeling well since last night..here’s me and the hubby’s convo..
H- you’d better get to a doctor
Me: It hasn’t even been a full day
H: what? It’s been two days
Me: how do you figure?
H: today and yesterday
Me:
@longwall26
Just a reminder that your coworkers aren’t going to get eaten by bears on their own. You have to make that happen. You have to want it.
@sophienuuttall
*goes through crush’s phone when he dies*
*gets out ouija board*
“who is Emma”
@joshgondelman
My girlfriend and I are thinking about adopting a dog because we’ve had no luck trying to have one naturally.
@RayInOhio
Before you follow me looking to promote a product or service please know that I spend all my extra money on cheese.
@sween
I can’t imagine how stressed Americans are feeling right now. I’m Canadian and I’m chugging maple syrup and just punched a moose.