BREAKING: Pot calls kettle “black”. “Racial tension at boiling point” says mayor of kitchen cupboard
My 4 year old asked me if tears were made of pee and when I told him “no” he asked why they taste like pee. I have so many questions.
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casual sex implies that there is ranked competitive sex
Understanding women isn’t rocket science.
Rocket science has rules and boundaries.
When my 2 cats enter the living room at the same time I assume they’re about to tell us they’re getting divorced
Most of my parenting skills come from watching Animal Planet.
Modeled nude for an art class today at my local college. They didn’t ask, I just felt like it.
[hugging mom at sister’s funeral]
“And you said I’d never be your favorite”
Wow so when Joe Biden and Jill Biden sleep in the same bedroom, it’s cute, but when I do it, secret service arrests me for trespassing in the White House.
Is it because I’m brown??
How does the fire know to exit at those specific doors?
me: damn, can’t use the gps, my phone is dead
friend: it’s cool, we have a map
me: nice, we can find a place to charge my phone