@Brianhopecomedy

My 4 year old loves wrestling with the family. He’s Hulk Hogan, I’m The Rock and our 1 year old is the folding chair.

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@Mr_Kapowski

Just a typical Sunday morning of going on and writing Amazon reviews for cheese graters rating them low and saying “not good toys for kids”

@sonictyrant

Girls with pigtails really freak me out, i cant help wondering what they did with the rest of the pig

@wingzfly

Spent all day doing one of my favorite things ever – not dying. Score.

@DanLaMorte

Kids here’s a tip. Next Christmas leave Santa marijuana cookies and watch how happy your parents magically become the next morning

@cravin4

Things I dipped in Nutella this weekend:

Animal Crackers
Pretzels
Strawberries
finger
Feelings

@fuzzlime

just got vinegar in my eye so I totally get it, girls who get vinegar in their eye

@Antinomy001

Goku in church: “This Jesus guy sounds really strong. I would have loved to fight against him!”

@Bob_Janke

*washing motorcycle with my shirt off

*cops show up

Cops: That guy told you to stay away from his motorcycle