Can’t trust CNN? Next thing ya know Nigerian royalty sending me emails will be fake.
My 4 year old refused his dinner but it’s ok because I caught him eating a Milkbone earlier
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Based on the number of AVI pics taken in your cars, I’m guessing that quite a few of you girls are on the run
“Full House fans have found a 1993 episode of the show called “Be True To Your Preschool”. In it, Loughlin’s Aunt Becky stops Uncle Jesse (John Stamos) from lying to get their toddler twins into an ‘elite preschool'”
I started a petition to ban people from collecting autographs.
So far I’ve got 50,000 signatures.
Him: (sobbing) just tell me why you’re leaving me
Me: I’m just not ready for a serious relationship
Him: but… we’re married
Me: yeah I gotta go
“This is not fair!” – Russian guy realizing he got bad directions to the fair.
My wife agreed to roleplay as Catwoman but won’t let me say pow and bam with each thrust.
My husband found me lying on the sofa and told me that the kitchen was a complete mess. I said, “I know. That’s why I’m not in there.”
I have to go stand in line at Gamestop now because I had a careless night of unprotected sex 13 years ago and Halo 5 is out today.
If you’re a grown man walkin around with a winter hat that has animal ears I can tell that @ some point people used 2 take your lunch money