“You can’t drive the Batmobile!”
Alfred: “Can I? It’s Bingo night.”
Batman: *tosses keys*
My 4-year-old thinks the 5-second rule means she can eat anything off the floor if she waits 5-seconds first. That M&M was from last Easter.
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The c in scent is quiet today. Too quiet.
Some cardinals and some ordinals walked into a bar, but the ordinals walked in first.
Buying a life insurance policy is best way to pretend that you have a life.
Someone called me stupid and then blocked me before I even had a chance to agree with them.
Steve Jobs’ entire legacy is invalidated by the shortness of the iPhone charger’s cord.
yeah that’s brenda
[Wonder Woman shows up]
Superman: Is she with you?
Batman: I thought she was with you?
Wonder Woman: Bruce you literally emailed me today
I bet you 5390.24$ you can’t guess how much money I owe my parents.
Shout out to the guy behind me flashing red & blue lights.