[before inflatable air dancers]
Tire Store Owner: Nobody seems to notice my store
Worker: Have you tried writhing in pain out in front all day?
My 4 year old told me to just turn the tire around as the top part isn’t flat. I don’t care if it’s wrong – that’s still some great logic.
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What is everyone writing songs about?
George: true love
Ringo: hmm, a submarine or maybe an octopus
An Optimist sees the glass as half-full.
A PEZimist fills it with candy.
Vegan pizza…. is basically
just the box.
Woman: which one is yours?
My wife: over there [points to team of firefighters cutting me from a tire swing]
Me: What are you up to?
Her: I’m making Chinese.
Me: Cloning’s unethical. Hahaha just kidding. Make me a math tutor.
Me: What do you think about that?
5 minutes later
Guys, please don’t judge someone based on stuff they wrote themselves in a public forum meant to reach the widest possible audience.
We all have that one friend who returns our yacht a little too clean.
USA: “Hey, Canada, can you hold this for a second?”
*USA hands Detroit to Canada*
*USA quickly walks away.*