My 21yr old son: “Mom sometimes I think you only had me for the free, lifetime tech support”
My 5yo was talking incessantly in the car and my husband turned the music way up to drown her out and I fell in love all over again.
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Wife: Why did you have to cook all of it at once? Not only do we now have to eat 5 pounds of the stuff for breakfast but the whole house smells like bacon!
Me: I’m failing to see what part of this is upsetting
oh, internet, you didn’t even exist when this happened to me. every weekend.
Found an eyelash on my pizza.
Wished for more pizza.
If stealing office supplies were an Olympic sport, they’d test me for steroids.
Depraved Masochist Enjoys Following The News
In the beginning, people laughed at my penguin army. No one’s laughing now. I’m receiving treatment and everyone’s been really supportive.
My husband showed me beautiful flowers on his phone & said, “Look, I got you some flowers.”
So I put them in a vase of water.
When my son gets uppity, I like to remind him that I’m totally nailing his mom.
The perennially hyped name “Super Moon” insults the legacy of Superman, Super Volcanoes, Supernovae, and even Super Mario.