@copymama

My 5yo was talking incessantly in the car and my husband turned the music way up to drown her out and I fell in love all over again.

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@LoriLuvsShoes

My 21yr old son: “Mom sometimes I think you only had me for the free, lifetime tech support”

*slow wink*

@Average_Dad1

Wife: Why did you have to cook all of it at once? Not only do we now have to eat 5 pounds of the stuff for breakfast but the whole house smells like bacon!

Me: I’m failing to see what part of this is upsetting

@preawsaurus

oh, internet, you didn’t even exist when this happened to me. every weekend.

@bmarked21

If stealing office supplies were an Olympic sport, they’d test me for steroids.

@Cpin42

In the beginning, people laughed at my penguin army. No one’s laughing now. I’m receiving treatment and everyone’s been really supportive.

@merewillis

My husband showed me beautiful flowers on his phone & said, “Look, I got you some flowers.”

So I put them in a vase of water.

#LastLaugh

@DoucheMcBaggus

When my son gets uppity, I like to remind him that I’m totally nailing his mom.

@neiltyson

The perennially hyped name “Super Moon” insults the legacy of Superman, Super Volcanoes, Supernovae, and even Super Mario.