@KalvinMacleod: My 6 year old is telling me a story, oh wait, now he’s 9.
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@HepatitisAtoZ: chore hatred level: considering becoming a raw food vegan and drinking straight from the garden hose to avoid doing dishes
@Henry_3000: Me: I'm nervous about dinner with your parents. Wife: Why? Me: I never know what to say. Wife: Just be yourself. Say whatever is in your heart. Me at dinner table: I hate all of you.
@Sickayduh: [Lie detector] "You claim you can move an object by saying just one word. Is this true?" - Yes *needle going nuts* "I, sir, have been owned"