How about a ceiling fan with brakes so I don’t have to stand there for 10 seconds wondering if I actually turned it off.
My 7 yr. old thought it would be really funny to hold up a sign in the back window of the car that said “HELP ME!”. It was not.
You Might Also Like
If I am taking too long to open the doors for you in summers, it means I am wearing clothes starting from my underwear!
Imagine how excited Barn Owls were when humans invented barns.
Shame on you if you’re still replying “damn” to selfies. Take a creative writing class.
As the cedars outside my window
swayed with the gentle autumn breeze,
I gazed upon your digital image, madam,
And my bowl of spaghetti fell to the floor
As, nearly, did I…
“Will I ever live in a clean house again?”
*shakes magic 8 ball
*magic 8 ball explodes and makes a mess
Curved TV Problems..
I’m not flirting with you. I’m just nice. Get over yourself.
Except you. You get under me.
My son has the worst altitude ever. He’s defiant, rude and floating like six feet off the ground.
Eat food with the fridge open in front of the other food to establish dominance as well as prepare for the next feeding.