@copymama: My 7yo said if she ever gets married she wants to have a pajama-themed wedding, and I feel like my parenting has come to fruition.
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@stephenjmolloy: "Nutella causes cancer" says one scientist with his mouth covered in chocolate. "Send your jars to me and I will dispose of them."
@xLiserx: *First Date* Him: You've been really quiet. Everything ok? Me: *Sadly* Your SnapChat photos made me think you were a super intelligent dog.
@JhonRules: me: you know they never did catch the zodiac killer guy next to me on the bus: why do you keep saying that