@BoomBoomBetty: My anxiety started in 1984 the first time I heard the music speed up in Pac-Man when shit got real and I haven’t relaxed since.
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@jdforshort: There are some problems in life that can be solved with chocolate....others require a full clip and a shovel.
@seandunn76: Alex: This term indicates a zero score in tennis. Contestant: What is love? *dance party erupts*
@JohnLyonTweets: Me: *doesn’t laugh at friend’s story* Friend: I guess you had to be there. Me: *builds time machine, goes there* Nope, still not funny.
@TheAlexNevil: *first date (Me, texting) This is awful. She's boring, has no sense of humor & rude Her: You know you speak out loud when you text, right?