@DothTheDoth

My arc would have been filled with wolves. I would have made a terrible Noah.

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@tastefactory

A funny thing to do would be to text random numbers with “I got the live bees you sent, they’ll do nicely”

@Julie_McGann1

I’m off to a 3yr olds party. There’ll be tears, tantrums and throwing up on the carpet. But enough about me, Im sure the kids will have fun.

@mattZillaaaa

My bank called me for suspicious activity on my account & I was like “no, I went out last night”

@anthonyonmovies

Rian Johnson: good and bad are 2 sides of the same coin. the resistance and first order both obtain their weapons from the same people, and the only thing that separates the jedi from the sith is an outdated flawed code.

JJ Abrams: bad people have shark teeth lol

@UrbanDouchebag

Dear Santa,

All I want for Christmas is a copy of your naughty list.

Love,

-Tim

@TheTweetOfGod

“What does the fox say?” Whatever the Rupert Murdoch tells it to.

@truegritrumble

FRIEND: Try to relate to her.

(Later on Date)

ME: *nervously* Can I be your cousin?

@mom_tho

My heart says curly fries but my BMI is suggesting salad.