Failure isn’t an option? Just watch me.
My bank’s collections department is particularly aggressive.
In retrospect, the name “Chase” may have been a red flag.
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*shows up at your work*
“Hi, it’s me. From the internet.”
There is no peer pressure like washing your hands because someone else walked into the bathroom.
I shall play you the song of my people
Me: It’s the next exit.
Husband: I know! You don’t have to keep telling me. *misses the exit*
Date: “I don’t like Taco Bell.”
*Pushes her in front of a bus.*
ME: I’ll have the steak
WAITER: with pleasure
ME: um no, with steak sauce
I HATE when people use song lyrics as their status! It makes. me wanna SHOUT! Kick my heels back and SHOUT! Throw my arms up and SHOUT..Etc.
If someone calls me “boo” I automatically assume they’re trying to scare me.
I miss when life was simple, and the worst thing that happened was your crush finding the notebook where you wrote your first name with their last name a couple dozen times, just to see what it might look like…