[cranking up the heat on my slow cooker]
Me: *whispers* slow cook it faster
My bank’s collections department is particularly aggressive.
In retrospect, the name “Chase” may have been a red flag.
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Me: Did it work?
BRO [jumping into car]: GO
ME: it’s lunch, not a bank heist
B: they put EXTRA CURLY FRIES in the bag
M: OMG I’m too pretty for jail