My bank’s collections department is particularly aggressive.

In retrospect, the name “Chase” may have been a red flag.

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There is no peer pressure like washing your hands because someone else walked into the bathroom.


Me: It’s the next exit.

Husband: I know! You don’t have to keep telling me. *misses the exit*


Date: “I don’t like Taco Bell.”

*Pushes her in front of a bus.*


ME: I’ll have the steak

WAITER: with pleasure

ME: um no, with steak sauce


I HATE when people use song lyrics as their status! It makes. me wanna SHOUT! Kick my heels back and SHOUT! Throw my arms up and SHOUT..Etc.


If someone calls me “boo” I automatically assume they’re trying to scare me.


I miss when life was simple, and the worst thing that happened was your crush finding the notebook where you wrote your first name with their last name a couple dozen times, just to see what it might look like…