@UnFitz

My bank’s collections department is particularly aggressive.

In retrospect, the name “Chase” may have been a red flag.

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@sammyrhodes

There is no peer pressure like washing your hands because someone else walked into the bathroom.

@sixfootcandy

Me: It’s the next exit.

Husband: I know! You don’t have to keep telling me. *misses the exit*

@Parentpains

Date: “I don’t like Taco Bell.”

*Pushes her in front of a bus.*

@ClichedOut

ME: I’ll have the steak

WAITER: with pleasure

ME: um no, with steak sauce

@pabstdriver

I HATE when people use song lyrics as their status! It makes. me wanna SHOUT! Kick my heels back and SHOUT! Throw my arms up and SHOUT..Etc.

@HelmdawgE

If someone calls me “boo” I automatically assume they’re trying to scare me.

@FeralFerrell

I miss when life was simple, and the worst thing that happened was your crush finding the notebook where you wrote your first name with their last name a couple dozen times, just to see what it might look like…