Christianity is the ultimate daddy issue.
My black pants had more cat hair on them after they came out of the dryer. Guess I should check the dryer for cats before I start it.
You Might Also Like
ME: I think I like this huge decorative rock
ME: Ok [with confidence] I REALLY LOVE THIS HUGE DECORATIVE ROCK
Personal Trainer- So how have you been cutting your carbs?
Me-Mostly with a bread knife or a pizza slicer
[looking up at bird sitting in a tree whilst on 1st date]
“I didn’t know birds could climb trees”
Either your employees are very rude…
Or, the name of your store is terribly misleading.
An ‘Unsatisfied’ Customer
Ok parents who have really clean houses, do you have outdoor pets and outdoor kids? How does this work?
Tech support: Your hard drive is corrupt and can’t be recovered
Me: So the book I’ve been writing for 5 years has gone forever?!!!
Tech Support: how much had you written?
Me *still in shock* almost 7 sentences
I wish that my money would have sex in my wallet and multiply
Me: Can you remember life before Amazon?
Husband: Yes. We had more money.
*puts Fitbit on Roomba
*eats crackers with no plate or napkin