@SaraESpivey: My boss just farted. I asked him if he was trying to get the condom out. He's mad now.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@ThisOneSayz: Me: what big eyes you have! Me: what big nose you have! Me: what big teeth you have! Dog: you're drunk again, aren't you?
@XplodingUnicorn: 4-year-old: I put my Barbie in the tanning bed. Me: You don’t have a Barbie tanning bed. 4: Me: *sprints to the toaster*
@twitersgoodboy: What I remember most about my neighbor who turned out to be a serial killer is that he was always very loud and never kept to himself. "I'm up to something!" he would shout constantly at my Oscar parties.