They’ll continuously make Fast & Furious movies until it’s a bunch of old men trying to get out of a grocery store parking lot
My boss said that we could go outside during the solar eclipse, but no time limit was given
*takes 8 hour lunch break
*raids liquor store
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20 year old me)I’m going to be rich
30 year old me)I’m going to travel
40 year old me)I’m going to be a better person
50 year old me)I’m going to bed
I confess, when I asked you to put your feet in this bucket of wet cement, I had an ulterior motive.
Your trophy wife is more of a participation trophy wife, isn’t she?
Sometimes I like to freak my husband out by asking where this relationship is going.
I’m looking at the serving size of Laughing Cow cheese and I see why the cow is laughing.
I hate waiting in line. I wish this guy would hurry up and pick a suspect.
*takes off Scooby-Doo head*
You don’t need to threaten me into submission. Just hold some cheesecake under my nose.
Deer: I have a proposal for you
Rabbit: I’m all ears
Deer: HAHA I get it, cuz of the whole big ears thing
Rabbit: That’s pretty hurtful Jeff