You’re only as smart as the dumbest thing you’ve ever said on the Internet.
My boss told me to dress for the job I want; not the job I have. I’m now in a disciplinary meeting for wearing my Batman costume to work.
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Me: lets go get a drink!
Friend: what’s the occasion?
Me: I don’t understand the question.
me: I’m gonna work from home today
PET PEEVE: Cutting donuts in half.
Either experience the complete joy of a full donut or fully punish yourself. None of this half-measure crap, please.
Amazon Review Guide
⭐☆☆☆☆ – I’m angry and taking my slight inconvenience out on you
⭐⭐☆☆☆ – Your product is crap
⭐⭐⭐☆☆ – Average
⭐⭐⭐⭐☆ – Great product!
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ – Average but I feel bad leaving a lower rating
Groundhog is like regular hog except it’s easier to make burgers out of it.
U just HAD to be polite & hold the elevator for me. I could have had a nice, quiet ride alone. Instead, I had to be polite & talk about fall
Him: the risk of getting caught, having sex in a public place is HOT!
Her: ok….. you pick the place
Him: Over there in those dense trees where we won’t get caught
oh my god, i need this to be me in 20 years
*thinks happy thoughts*
*throws pixie dust in your eyes*
*flies off with all your money*