@TEXASVETERAN: My boss: Why are you sleeping at your desk?!
Me: Because my bed is at home.
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@KatWar1: [Enters Building] "Excuse..." *Voice fades* "... anyone..." "... how to..." "... out this..." "... ving door?"
@brokenfuIly: i wanna look like a snack this summer but i keep eating them
@GingerHotDish: I want a Viking funeral when I die...complete with sticks, marshmallows and chocolate for the attendees. What? I'm sure that's traditional.
@WilliamAder: Not to brag, but I can unhook a bra using just a bent paper clip, some WD-40, and my reading glasses.
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