@TEXASVETERAN
@Parkerlawyer
*camping*
Son, “What’s the wifi password?”
Me, “We’re communing with nature, get off your phone.”
Son, “Does communing have two m’s or one?”
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@Parkerlawyer
@CelebrityChez
Wow, what a day. I volunteered at a soup kitchen, caught up on my scrapbookin’, went 2 baby shower, ran 9 miles, then told lies on twitter.
@SeanBlazed
IF SIMBA COULD GROW TO THE SIZE OF A HEALTHY ADULT LION EATING BUGS THEN SO CAN I
@ItsAndyRyan
Are you watching Point Break or The Fast and the Furious?
@hayes_t_r
Size does matter-just ask Pluto.
@WheelTod
When I can’t afford strobe lighting for my house parties, I just ask everyone to blink in time to the music instead.
@jerichobetton
Black Mirror really outdid themselves this time. Having us experience season 6 instead of watching it on Netflix. Outstanding. 👏🏾
@SadieSkyNinja
“Wow, more ABBA. Shocking.”
-anyone on road trips with me
@darrinfb
It’s so hot outside I almost called my ex over so I could stand by something shady.
@Home_Halfway
Pennywise got his name because he’s very savvy financially.
He lives in the sewer to avoid paying rent, and he eats kids instead of buying groceries.