My wife said the infinity scarf I got her is too small and I said: “That’s mathematically impossible.”
Anyhoo, we’re divorced now.
My boyfriend doesn’t like when I give our neighbors nicknames like, “Beard Man” “Jolly Girl” and “the one I slept with in 2009.”
You Might Also Like
*stuck in elevator with beautiful woman*
I know it’s only been 10 minutes but I’m gonna take a poop ok?
Had a joint with my mate and she said “mad how the brain named itself” and I’ve fully had to come home and go to bed
The hardest part about raising a centaur baby is having people know you banged a horse.
People say I’m hard to get hold of but my fax machine is always on.
The top Little Caesars pizza competitor is Big Brutus.
How can a middle aged unemployed rat with 4 teenage turtles afford so much pizza?
I almost hit a deer tonight. But then he took back what he said about my mom and we hugged it out.
Back to having zero haters, feels good.
Don’t ever put money in a savings account because your house will find out and break something expensive.
All I wanna do is
Get this reference