@SondraDeeMe

My Bread Shop may have turned a profit if I stuck with the original name: Rolling In Dough instead of: Yeast Infection Connection.

You Might Also Like

@e4moji

Me: What if itches are just ghost spiders haunting your body?

Children: Wait, what?

Me, switching off light: Nothing, g’night kids

@Social_Mime

Teachers are getting ridiculous with sending out homeschooling projects.

We have an English and History assignment due in two days and we don’t even have kids.

@lisaxy424

30 seconds staring confused at the calculator app before realizing why my phone wasn’t calling the number I dialed.

@DrakeGatsby

Very envious of the people who are out enjoying wilderness. It looks rad but I do not know anything about nature. I didn’t realize deer were real until like a year ago. I thought they were made up for Bambi.

@ThinkingSavage

All I’m saying is, China could have a much better relationship with the West if they shared their dragons with us but whatever be that way.

@Keefler_Elf

i’m getting my wisdom teeth taken out on monday. i know most people get this procedure done when they’re like 16 but i think the move is waiting to do it when you’re 25 and depressed cause then you can appreciate the drugs a lot more

@LoveNLunchmeat

The best way to open a stubborn jar is to take a deep breath and recite an ancient Wiccan incantation.

@CornOnTheGoblin

i see a little silhouetto of a bug
IT’S A WASP IT’S A WASP
can we close the damn window