Oh you like Oreos? Name five of their albums. And I’m talking their obscure shit like watermelon, none of this main stream birthday cake shi
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I love salad! Just wish it had the taste & texture of pizza.
THE INVENTOR OF HAND SANITIZER: who’s the paranoid one now huh, WHO’S THE PARANOID ONE NOW
How do I like eggs?
Ummm…in a cake!
Everyone needs a backup man.
My husband: plan. The word is plan
Better “copulate” than “copunever.”
This sheep escaped a farm and spent 6 years in the mountains, during which time he grew 60 pounds of wool. Predators tried to eat him, but their teeth could not penetrate the floof. You don’t have to turn hard to survive the wolves, just be really, really soft and fluffy.
Tired of being single? Just lower your standards a bit. My new girlfriend is a coconut taped to a mop.
Judge: Approach the bench.
People who brag about drinking black coffee?? Ok enjoy your hot bean water, I’m using creamer because I love myself