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@Ygrene: [my car launching off cliff]
oh no google maps you rascal
So your resume says you used to be in the theater
yes that is correct
What made you leave it?
well, the movie ended so
@NYC_Blonde: If someone specifies that you're book-smart and not street-smart or street-smart but not book-smart, they're calling you stupid.
@Zombie_Kitv2: Even in a suit, Matthew McConaughey looks like he's just been rescued after two weeks lost in the desert.
@CulturedRuffian: PLOT TWIST: Maybe eating a doughnut wasn't cheating on my diet. Maybe going on a diet was cheating on my doughnuts.
@TheCareBare: "Baby last night you were so hot, let's do it all over again this morning."
-me, speaking to this leftover pizza.