website: select a security question
website: make of first car
website: mother’s maiden name
website: the number of ducks you saw that one time in camp
My cat acts pretty tough for someone who disappears for 3 days anytime I sneeze.
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Huge, if true.
If I’m found dead in the bathtub clutching a toaster, check for Pop-Tarts before jumping to conclusions.
My son begged me not to wear my Poison shirt & spandex to get him on the bus again.
So I wore an adult onesie.
Guess I won this round.
I’d like the chicken-fried steak, please.”
Uh lemme get back to you
*runs to kitchen*
YO WE GOT ANY CHICKENS THAT KNOW HOW TO FRY A STEAK
It’s not summer until you put on your bikini and realize it probably wasn’t a good idea to eat 9,000 lbs of skittles, starbursts, and sour patch kids all year.
Three seasons into Game of Thrones, and I still can’t figure out why all the characters are named after psychiatric meds.
[after a plane crash]
Pilot: are u guys mad at me :/
*i get on a rollercoaster with my washing machine*
“Hold tight son…WAIT! If u are here then..”
*son is at home w/ a mouth full of laundry*
HR: Do you know why I called you in here today?
Me: I have a boyfriend
HR: Ok, sorry to bother you