@_little_old_me: My cat just sniffed my right eye & licked his lips. When I die alone in my house, he'll probably eat that eyeball first.
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@DrCephalopod: Son: I want a LEGO Millennium Falcon for Christmas Me: *checking price online* would you settle for the actual Millennium Falcon?
@richardosman: My daughter is in China and sends me photos of mis-translations. This is my new favourite.
@IchBin_Rob: Doctor: I'm afraid you have high blood pressure. I suggest cutting back on your sodium intake. Me [sipping ramen broth out of a Starbucks cup]: Okay, explain to me what sodium is again.
@daemonic3: chef: [yelling] I NEED LETTUCE assistant: [from walk-in fridge] ICEBERG, RIGHT? A HEAD? other chef (that survived the Titanic): oh no not again