Nollywood movies would legit explain the whole movie to you in the title. 💔😂
My chiropractor told me I have to stop using air quotes when I call him “doctor.”
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Son [doing homework]: What’s an example of a palindrome?
Son: Ugh. Fine. Mom can you give me an example of a palindrome?
Son: OHMYGOD WHY WON’T YOU GUYS HELP ME
Ten out of ten pigs prefer turkey bacon over regular bacon.
This week in Nascar it all comes down to one race…
I can easily make lemonade, but I have no idea what to do when life gives me a fitted sheet.
Vodka…deleting memories since…uhh…
*Girl comes out in a slinky dress*
ME: Ooh that looks like fun
*I push her down the stairs*
Me: How many taco trucks are in close proximity to your house?
Him: I uh… I don’t…
My dream job is a 7-11 hot dog just rolling there endlessly in a zen state of warmth
If my wife ever leaves me, I’m going with her.