@6thgrade4ever: My Conservative Uncle Read More Thanksgiving Argument Guides Than Me and Turned Me Racist
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@stevevsninjas: *fire alarm goes off at typewriter factory, causing all employees to jump up at the same time and wedge together in the doorway*
@dinokitten: *at adoption center* "Okay yeah they're all great and all, but which one is the most photogenic for Facebook and stuff like that"
@JoParkerBear: M: Twitter has helped me tremendously as a writer, as it demands tightness and brevity. Friend: What do you write? M: Oh, only tweets now.