@MrGeorgeWallace

My cousin Tay Tay vaped once at a party and she went on to steal hundreds of dollars in clothing from various stores we don’t know if it’s related but you can never be too careful

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@Blarebare

Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves at the same time he does.

@Marcmywords2

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OK! EAT ME NOW
Oh! Too late

Bananas

@EdnaSugar

There’s way too much blood in my alcohol system today

@GrantTanaka

I hate this time of year when you have to check all your razors to make sure none of them are actually made of chocolate

@daviddeweil

“Let It Go” performed by Rose and Jack from Titanic. Mostly by Rose, though.

@jdforshort

Green smoothies because who has the time or energy to chew 17 cups of spinach/lettuce/kale