What do you call a potato/corn crime fighting duo?
Starchy and Husk
My coworkers sending dirty messages to other coworkers when I leave my computer unlocked is why I have trust issues.
… and dates.
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I never finish anything. I have a black belt in partial arts.
On a bad dinner date? Bump the table with your knee to make the water in your glass ripple. Claim a T-Rex is coming. Sprint out the door.
Her: Sorry, but your profile pic was misleading.
Oatmeal Raisin Cookie: I never *said* this was chocolate. You just *assumed*
[walks into gym with my sunglasses on]
WHATS UP LADIES
*takes off sunglasses*
damn it 3rd treadmill I’ve hit on this week
He told her that trees blossom in her presence. What he meant was that she scares the sap back up into them.
“Iowa man arrested after fight over peanut butter and jelly sandwiches” – I’m just gonna assume this is 1 of you guys
Girl, are you any art project I made as a child? Because you don’t look great and my mom is having difficulty pretending to like you.
I took up MMA to see what I’m made of.
It’s blood…I’m made of blood.
Bit chilly again tonight.