@AimeeHelene1

My CW just barked.

Ok, it may have been a burp, but I’d like him a lot more if he were turning into a dog, so I think he barked.

My CW just barked.

Ok, it may have been a burp, but I’d like him a lot more if he were turning into a dog, so I think he barked.

- @AimeeHelene1

You Might Also Like

@dafloydsta

[marriage counseling]

She thinks I’m foolish with money

“He used our life savings to buy a tiger”

YOU SAID YOU WANTED A CAT, KAREN

@meganamram

We’re in the exact point of climate change as when wile e. coyote runs off the cliff but hasn’t looked down yet

@GrumpyyCat

Telling a girl to calm down works about as well as trying to baptize a cat.

@DepecheALAmode

If I owned a bar I would pour myself shots all the time, look in the mirror, wink and say “It’s on the house.”

@Papa_Mex

But baby, if you didn’t want me climbing in your window, why’d you leave the ladder in the garage behind the workbench chained to the beam?

@djdarrellripley

Me: Don’t be mean to my friend.

Her: Your friend just broke in my door and almost strangled me.

Me: I said he was my friend, not yours.

@3sunzzz

I love showering with my husband. There’s nothing more intimate during sex than discussing water temperature.

@minnascule

just learned that “hanky panky” is not slang for “hankering for a pancake”. feeling devastated