You Might Also Like


“Hello welcome to meteorologist school. Please stick your head out of the nearest window and pick your diploma up on your way out.”


Mike Pence getting booed at Hamilton is the worst thing to ever happen to a politician at a play


MURDERER: *while murdering me* I feel like you’re not taking this seriously.
ME: *eating a Belgian waffle* Wut?


They don’t touch my pizza after it comes out of the oven?
So, wait. They used to touch my pizza?


Reporter: Doctor, what motivates you to care for coma patients?

Me: Well, I’m just here *puts cap on Sharpie* to put smiles on their faces


I’m constantly amazed that only 26 letters in the alphabet can produce so much bullshit.


Thankful public education taught us Algebra instead of how to do taxes. Because 2 things are certain:

1) Death

2) The Pythagorean Theorem


Some of you need to review your settings or medication…
I’m not sure which but it’s definitely showing.