@iinkedZombie: My daughter asked me what it's like to be a parent, so I woke her up from a nap just to say "hi."
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@DanMentos: "Dave just showed up" Dave the fireman or Dave who always uses inappropriate abbreviations? *Dave barges in* HEY GUYS I'M DTF "Yeah I dunno"
@JohnLyonTweets: Interviewer: It says here you're good at making up words. How often do you find that useful? Me: Contuitively.
@WineMummy: Nothing says you're over your ex like showing up at his wedding with a bride and groom voodoo doll.
@AGStr8upNinja: She told me she liked it doggy style so I gave her a treat & took her for a walk.