@Smug_Lemur: My daughter asked me what it's like to have kids so I interrupted her every 11 seconds until she cried.
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@Carrie_Rachel: In this era of excessive exclamation point use, punctuating a text with a period is the quickest and simplest way to cause concern.
@ronaldravegan: when i was a young boy my father had what he called the bean jar. it was a jar full of brown and black beans. whenever we misbehaved, he would remove one and tell us that once the jar was empty, the world would end
@MarfSalvador: me: my father went out for cigarettes ten years ago and- sloth dad: *opening door* forgot my wallet