@Smug_Lemur: My daughter asked me what it's like to have kids so I interrupted her every 11 seconds until she cried.
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@Darlainky: I was just trying on the floral romper for fun but then the sales associate asked if my daughter was my sister and now I'm out $140.
@ValeeGrrl: At cardio class tonight, a 22yo size 0 told me "you run fast for someone your age" so now I have a body to bury if anyone wants to help me.
@SimplySnaccbar: [My funeral] Priest: Ashes to ashes dust to dust *my casket is lowered into the McDonald's ball pit* Employee: *confused* Ronald really okayed this?
@VerbsRProudest: 8: Mama, did you read this story when you were a kid? Me: *smiling* Why yes, I did. 8: It's a really old story then, I guess.