@Divergentmama

My daughter had a spider in her room but she lost it, and now she wants to move. I told her to stop being dramatic and she would probably just swallow it tonight so nbd

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@AimeeHelene1

I haven’t ironed in 17 years, except for that emergency grilled cheese sandwich I made.

@XplodingUnicorn

My 5-year-old found two pennies and shared one with her sister.

I grounded them both because I’m not raising any communists.

@titletown__

It’s so obvious that she wants me. She avoids me at all costs probably because her feelings are so strong for me.

Yeah, I’ll go with that.

@heyitsJudeD

My husband’s really not keen on this whole ‘date night’ thing that married people are supposed to do……

Perhaps next time I should go out with him?

@AmandaEeeek

I just want someone to make me feel like I did the first time I figured out a special move in Mortal Kombat.

@SirEviscerate

Say what you will about Kylo Ren, but you have to appreciate his Han die coordination.

@thebeckyard

Angry beavers can’t get our packaging open, but go ahead and try in your weakened state lol

-cold medicine companies