@Breadery

My daughter: I know everything
Me: What’s the capital of brazil?
My daughter: that’s a secret

You Might Also Like

@TragicAllyHere

Hmm…
kkkk (too many)
kkk (too racist)
kk (looks like a typo)
k (that’ll work)

Why you see my texting bubble for 10 min before getting “k”

@ObscureGent

Fact: In the 80s nobody could have sex until someone started playing a saxophone.

@TheAlexP

Girl seeing my torn jeans

Where’d you get those?!

*remembers trying to pee on a hill & stumbling backwards through thorn bushes*

The Gap.

@funnyordie

Shouts out to the Trump Tower suction cup guy for being the second craziest person to ascend that building.

@sixfootcandy

Don’t forget to cut me off so you can be the first person to the red light.

@causticbob

Hell yeah I’m a catholic i’ve been addicted to cats my whole life

@junejuly12

Hope there is a particularly fiery spot in hell for anyone capable of losing a dog in an enclosed dog park.

@TheToddWilliams

[office]

ME: I’m back from vacation!

BOSS: It’s been 4 1/2 years! You said a week in Venice!

ME: No, a week on Venus…which is 1701 days

@alexlumaga

Me: I don’t believe the world is round…

Flat Earthers: *getting visibly excited*

Me: …because it’s actually an oblate spheroid

Flat Earthers: Is that…how flat is that

@lloydrang

Americans are just Canadians that someone fed after midnight.